Feb. 26, 1958

After a hard day at the office, two fellows named Bob and Mike like to
drop into a Hill Street dive for a cooling draught, to brood, to
contemplate the infinite or merely to read THE evening paper, which
they prop up conveniently against the beer taps.

But several times lately they’ve found their favorite stools occupied
by sturdy customers who, they instantly decided, it would be unwise to
try to evict.

So Bob, who has access to such things, had two place cards printed stating these stools were reserved in their names.

BARKEEPS Joe,
Johnny, Luigi and Ray have cooperated in this little enthusiasm. When
Bob and Mike enter, they roust the peasantry from these reserved
stools.

However, the genial prop. of the joint, Uncle Abe, has confided that
while he is not averse to their project, he has a certain apprehension
about the implications. Of course, he puts it another way.

He points out that his trade represents a specialized economic niche in
Hill Street cafe society and he doesn’t want the customers to get the
idea that the Rainbow has become a kind of Romanoff’s Downtown.

Next thing, he fears, the unshaven horde to which he caters may demand vintage muscatel.

For the moment, however, Bob and Mike are sitting pretty.

ONE OF THE delights
of bored Civic Center workers is encountering young couples who get
lost while seeking the marriage license bureau in the Hall of Records.
They are uniformly shy and embarrassed.

One such bewildered couple came into an office in City Hall, the wrong
building, and a girl employee heard the bride-to-be whisper to the
young man, "Go ahead, ask her."

He came up to the counter and said, "That girl behind me wants to know where to get a marriage license."

FOR RESOLUTE action
in the face of adversity, the Henpecked Husbands Society, an
underground organization, has nominated an Irwindale man for president.

This man’s phone bill for December and January totaled $94, the result of his wife’s chit-chatting with old friends back East.

Did he sigh and pay up? Did he start a futile argument? No. He firmly
ordered the phone yanked out. That was three weeks ago and it’s still
out. A fanfare, please.

SEMANTIC NOTE — Dr.
H.W. Magoun, anatomy prof at UCLA Medical School, has received a
distinguished achievement award from the journal Modern Medicine,
states a press release, "for studies in neurological science leading to
the appreciation of the clinical importance of basic advances."

And this, obviously, is not something that happens every day.

ONLY IN BEL-AIR — A
householder asked his neighbor if he could park his 1958 Cadillac in
the neighbor’s garage for a while. A landscape man was coming over to
give an estimate on some work, he explained, and he didn’t want the
fellow to think he was "that rich."

MISCELLANY — Every
time Don Messick passes the sign on Riverside Drive between Glendale
and Burbank stating "Litter Laws Strictly Enforced" he gets the feeling
it has something to do with restricting the dog population … Vivian,
7, a second-grader, came home from school and proudly advised her
father she’d learned all about the "terrified" forest … Post-flood
meditation by Bill Eberline: A fortune awaits the person who devises
cork hubcaps for small foreign cars–to ride out the deep water. With
oars, of course … An exhibitor at the Hi-Fi Show at the Biltmore
defines a dedicated audio fan as one who insists on reproduction of low
notes he can’t hear but only feels and of high notes he can’t hear but
only hopes are there.

Feb. 25, 1958

Everyone, it
seems, is trying to write television scripts, but Al Blake hadn’t given
it a thought until a friend called him one day and said, "Al, I’m in an
awful fix. I’ve got a job as a writer and I don’t know what to do."

Al,
whose only claim to writing fame was his unpublished book titled "How
to Become a Successful Thief," dealing with crime and punishment, of
which he has a firsthand knowledge, offered to help.

The friend
gave him the rundown, and Al batted out a script, which the friend
submitted and which was accepted. Under his friend’s goading, Al
ghosted four more which were also accepted.

THEN ONE DAY the
friend said, "Al, I’ve got some news for you. You just quit. That is, I
quit. I got another job. But I told them you’d been writing the scripts
and recommended you."

To Al’s surprise the producer called him and he continued writing them for more than a year.

That’s all over now but it gave Al a foothold in the business. He now writes for "Preliminary Hearing" on Sunday, Channel 9.

A MIMEOGRAPHED interoffice
letter from the big boss at Rocketdyne, subject: "Letter of
Congratulations," went out to all employees. It began, "The historic
launching of the first American satellite by our Redstone engine
reemphasizes the vital role our division is playing in the nation’s
security and progress…."

Remarked one horse-playing employee: "What have we got to crow about? We only got show. The Russians still have win and place."

VIA DOVE, sent out by a flood-marooned wife in Rolling Hills, comes a dramatic tale of the elements.

During
last week’s storm, it came time for her very shaggy collie dog to go
outside. The pooch was reluctant but she finally shooed him out the
door. Whereupon a gust of wind from the howling gale struck him
broadside, where his wind resistance was greatest, and knocked him
down, with great loss of dignity.

A LADY GARDENER named
Hilda has lost another bout with a very smart gopher–but with a
strange denouement. It had eluded her traps and the water cure so she
placed poisoned wheat in its burrow. Old gopher wouldn’t go for it but
she had a wonderful crop of wheat growing out of the burrow.

THEN THERE’S the
green-thumbed lady named Carol who found  a bag of strange-looking
stuff in the garage. She took a sample of it to a nursery and was told
it looked like bone meal. So she worked a lot of it in among her
rosebushes and they’re doing better than ever before.

But a few
days ago her handyman was building a planter and after fussing around
in the garage asked what had happened to the bag of fire clay he’d left
in the garage.

You can’t beat that Laurel Canyon soil, insists Carol.

AT RANDOM — Merle
Zee would have us believe that on the first day of the recent bus
strike a driver of Irish descent put a sign on his bus, "Flaherty will
get you nowhere" … Sam Dodd of Glendale has had tiny tabs printed
stating "I object to this kind of advertising. Please don’t send me any
more" –which he puts on junk mail with prepaid return postcards … A
TV pitchman said that his firm was overstocked with fine used cars
because new car sales "have been skyrocketing upward." If they ever
started redundancying downward he’d really be in trouble … There were
so many boat trailers on the highway to and from Palm Springs Sunday
that Harold Mallon wondered if he ought to get a mariner’s license …
When his companion declined his offer to buy a drink, a man in a
downtown bar remarked, "The trouble with you is you’re vitamin happy!"