Rainy Day

          Some people I know were sitting contentedly in front of a crackling wood fire, sipping soothing beverages, during the rain Sunday and somehow got around to making up variations of “the rain in Spain falls mostly on the plain.”

          One came up with “the rain in Champlain falls mostly on the grain,” but he was shouted down — too contrived. 

          Another suggested that “the snow on the Po falls mostly on the Po people,” but this was considered too sneaky.

          In fact, the only paraphrase conceded to be authentic was “the sleet in Crete falls mostly on your feet.”

          Hail, fog and mist also got a weak workout, to no avail.

          One brave fellow announced he was working feverishly on “precipitation” and his frustrated colleagues promptly shoved him out in it.

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          THE WEEK END also was marred by a TV commercial in which Bill Welsh, obviously with a gun at his back, declared that a certain soft drink “happies up your thirst.”

          It is no longer notable when ad copy writers, seemingly dedicated to debasing the language, use another adjective as a verb.  It is only a matter of degree.  This one clearly is worse than the cigarette which “gentles” the smoke.

          To keep the record straight, the dictionary does list happy as a transitive verb but it also states this usage is obsolete.  And it makes life awfully tough on teachers trying to jam a little grammar into the kiddies.

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                PAYOLA BLUES

There’s no use in complaining,

friends,

When big stars, in scandal,

                are named;

No matter how much we

                may protest,

Even pictures are framed.

–CARROLL VAN COURT

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            LIFE CAN BE particularly confusing to day workers, those hundreds of women who sleepily ride the early morning busses to go to different homes each day to clean, wash, iron, baby-sit or serve as maids.

          A matron phoned a friend in Westwood the other day and the maid answered, “Murray residence!” “No, Carter residence!” she quickly corrected herself.  “Oh my gosh, it’s Friday!” she exclaimed, “I mean Brown residence!”  Which was what the caller was sure she’d dialed.

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           EVERYONE WHO lives in the San Fernando Valley knows about eerie sounds in the night.  Usually it’s Rocketdyne blasting off, testing a new missile fuel.  The roar, emanating from the plant in the Santa Susana hills, is deafening.

        Greg Richie, 4, was distracted the other night from his cartoon by the spooky sound of the strong wind.  He listened a moment then said, “It’s all right, mommy, it’s only Wocket dyne!”

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          NOW AND THEN the notion takes hold that photographers aren’t really daffy, that they’re as normal as anyone else.  But somehow they manage to prove otherwise.

        While waiting for some people in the news to arrive at International Airport, Jim Harris noticed the insurance machines all over the place and said to Bill Kiley, “If I ever go up in a plane, I’m going to take out lots of insurance.  Then I KNOW the plane won’t crash — I never win anything!”

::

        AT RANDOM — People wondering what to do with their used Christmas cards can do a good deed by sending them to the Rev. C. Walberg, Box 190, Redondo Beach.  He’ll send them to children in Korea and Formosa . . . Basketball fanatics are muttering over what they consider inadequate coverage of the greatest sport of all.  And if the SC-UCLA game this week doesn’t fill the Sports Arena they’ll make louder noises . . . Car salesmen are telling about the two auto thieves who met at a big West Side market.  One said, “What are you doing here?”  The other car thief replied, “Oh, I’m in the market for a new car” . . . The Department of Animal Regulation’s monthly bite report lists the year’s first ocelot chomping.