Fresh but Polluted

   EVERYONE KNOWS about the mental torment of writers.  They brood, they get discouraged, they seize upon excuses to put off writing.

At a party a lady named Wynn Laws, who has been working on a novel for nearly a year, was pensively staring at nothing when a friend said, “Why, there’s Wynn, sitting in a corner and contemplating her novel!”

The line has been used before but now every time she goes to her typewriter the remark haunts her and she has hardly been able to write a line.

    UCLA’S UPSET 10-3 win over SC is still reverberating.  Edd McGrail said, “I think I shall never see a Kilmer capable as B”- meaning the Bruins’ Bill . . . When the announcer said, “Rosenkrans replaces Kilmer,” a sepulchral voice, possible an Eng. Lit. major, in back of Arcadius Stewert inquired, “And where is Guildenstern?” . . . Guy Mullen’s sentiments are titled “Smithered” as follows:

In spite of Marlin and
his twin
The Bruins were destined
to win.
Somehow I knew they
couldn’t miss
When they had Smith,
Smith, Smith and Smith.

    THE PAYOLA disclosures don’t surprise Mario Corona, who says, “Nobody in his right mind would play that junk because he wanted to!” . . . Al Diaz can’t understand all the fuss either.  It’s common practice elsewhere.  “Didn’t they ever hear of mordida — the bite?” he asks.

A LONG BEACH merchant named Spiros overestimated the public’s appetite for pumpkin pie and the other day decided to return a load of large ones to the L.A. Produce Market.  He was driving 55 and 60 on Long Beach Freeway when he became aware he was being tailed by a gendarme.  He became so nervous he pulled his truck to the side and waited for the officer to catch up and begin the countdown.

“Say,” the officer said, “I wonder if you can spare one of those pumpkins?” Spiros’ sigh of relief was so immense it stirred the Algerian ivy in the parkway.

WORD PLAY — A tired-looking old Mercury on Hill St. had this lilting, rear fender inscription:  “Pal-a-tin” . . . And Jack Perkins reports a knitting bag displayed in a Santa Monica shop had the attached note, “Half done, will ravel” . . . Meanwhile, another paper didn’t state exactly what it meant in reporting the Manhattan Beach City Council had honored comedian Hal Perry for contributing his talents to charitable and philanthropic enterprises.  “He is giving up his residence in the city,” the story continued, “and the council wanted to show its appreciation.”  Fortunately Hal laughs easily.

AROUND TOWN — A woman got into one of the automatic, self-operated Courthouse elevators and asked, “Oh, is this hand operated?”  “No ma’am,” a bailiff said, “it runs on electricity” . . . Charles L.W.Vocke spotted this sign on the door of the walk-in ice-box in a Torrance market: “Special note to Kool Kats — Drinking egg nog in dairy box.  If you get caught like man you’re fired like now” . . . A final word on the subject by Frank Barron: “Isn’t it odd that a person will smoke two packs of cigarettes a day yet refuse to eat cranberries once a year?”