Matt Weinstock — April 29, 1959

 

Money Troubles

Matt_weinstockdThe
bitter warfare between those who owe money and those who are trying to
collect it goes on and on, with extracurricular activity here and there.

A
mother received a call recently from a woman who said she was with an
advertising agency, which she named. Her son, she was told, had won a
two-week trip to Honolulu. If the mother would furnish his address the
tickets would be given to him.

The mother said he had
been unemployed but had gotten a new job out of town and didn't know if
he would be able to make the trip. The caller said the tickets or the
equivalent in cash were his anyway, but had to be presented personally. 

A
meeting was arranged at their home, and the young man drove down from
Fresno for his prize — only to have his car snatched. Seemed all this
was a ruse. There is no such advertising agency. The address is a loan
firm. The young man was several weeks behind on the monthly payment on
the car.

So, sadder and wiser but not happier, he took the bus back to Fresno.

::

April 29, 1959, Space Stewardess ONLY IN L.A.
— Adam W. Truty took an elderly friend into a deluxe saloon. He
ordered beer, his friend ordered coffee. The beer was 45 cents, the
coffee 25. High. They didn't complain, but another elderly customer
did, delivering an eloquent lecture on ethics. The bartender snapped,
"You're 86! No more drinks for you!"

Whereupon Adam's friend jumped up and said to his new-found advocate. "Are you 86? You don't look it! I'm 86, too!"

::

NO DISCOVERER, I

So they can't find the cap from that nose cone?

Now I feel somewhat less of a boob

When I can't, though I look all over,

Find the cap from my toothpaste tube.

— RICHARD ARMOUR

::

LET'S FACE IT,
North Young, Malibu artist, has a talent for eliciting secrets from the
most reticent of his rather odd friends. One of them, a cemetery
caretaker named Moss O'Learn, last week confided this tale:

April 29, 1959, Comics When
James Watt, the famous inventor, died, a large box was found among his
effects. There was no clue to its contents, only a warning in Watt's
handwriting that it was not to be opened until 1959.

 On
Jan. 1 of this year the box was opened and found to contain 300 dahlia
tubers, each wrapped in tissue and all in excellent condition. With
them was a note asking that the corms be planted all around his grave.
Relatives sent the box to Moss O'Leam, who planted them.

That
very night people passing the cemetery were astonished to see the
inventor's headstone bathed in light although there was no artificial
illumination in the vicinity.

"How do you account for the phenomenon?" the caretaker was asked.

"No phenomenon at all," he replied, "just those danged 300 Watt bulbs."

::

REMEMBER
the Finn twins, George and Charles, who have been at war with the
government for six years over possession of an Army surplus plane and
who have a penchant for making citizen's arrests?

April 29, 1959, Abby Well,
George has asked Atty. James F. Bolger to incorporate a Citizens'
Committee to Make Arrests Police Refuse to Make. The idea is to
indoctrinate citizens regarding their legal rights.

Things are likely to liven up any week now.

::

AT RANDOM
E.N. Brandt, fiction editor of the S. E. Post, was in town briefly,
trying to lure local writers into the short-story fold. Said there's a
shortage. Of course, he meant the Post type of story. He also revealed
that the Post pays 50% more for a short story than for an article
…speaking of which, the new Erle Stanley Gardner serial in the week's
Post has an L.A. locale.

About lmharnisch

I am retired from the Los Angeles Times
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