Confidential File

(Press
release) "Those who are skeptical of the adage 'love at first sight'
would do well to know Steve Allen's account of his first meeting with
Jayne Meadows.

"Steve leaves no doubt about his feelings on the
subject in an eloquent tribute he pays his wife in a current Look
magazine article.

" 'Coming into contact with Jayne Meadows for
the first time,' writes Steve 'is in some particulars like being
exposed to the Statue of Liberty or Grand Canyon for the first time;
one is just apt to stand and look. She is, like these other national
wonders, big and beautiful and a bit overwhelming.

" 'You are
confronted suddenly with a barrage of red hair and earrings and perfume
and eyelashes and a generous red and white and pink mouth that keeps
talking and smiling and gasping. " (signed) Public Relations
Department, Look magazine.

–Beautiful! But, Steve, she sounds ill.

 "Dear Paul,

"Last week you wrote about a soap opera and a syrupy voice (Mr. Don Ameche) and there was Melinda and Carri. You admitted being confused. Perhaps I can set you straight, as I heard the whole story.

"You
see, Helen was actually Don's (Jeff's) wife. Pop was Carri's stepfather
and Jeff's manager, before he quit to be a horse trainer and became a
fight promoter instead.

"Not that Pop was really anyone's Pop. But he helped Joe, Don's (Jef's) brother to meet Carri who fed sugar to the horses.

"But
Carri decided she really loved Jeff's (Don's) brother. Now Jeff's wife,
Helen, is dead so Melinda is fixing dinner. Jane, the daughter of
Edward (a recluse at CampPendleton and first husband of Carri), runs away from home.

"Pop, Edward, Carri, Jeff (Don) and Melinda and Joe let Jane make her own way.

"Wouldn't you?" signed Mickee.

–Frankly, I don't care what she does. I'm sick of the whole ugly mess.

 (Press release) "A national movement is afoot to replace the salutation 'Mister' with 'Esquire.'

"The
originators of this plan suggest that the appellation 'Esquire' carries
more dignity and gives a man more stature than the commonplace 'Mister.'

"Derivation
of 'Esquire' is English. Originally meaning shield bearer and candidate
for knighthood because of chivalry, the term came to refer to English
landed gentry, men of property or squires.

"There is no doubt that Esq. after a name looks more impressive than Mr. before it.

"Today, man's reputation as the stranger sex has sunk low,' says Irving J. Bottner of Great Neck, N.Y., who's spearheading the Esquire campaign.

"He's head of a shoe polish firm coincidentally named Esquire." (signed) Carl Erbe Associates, New York, N.Y.

–Coincidentally? It's downright eerie.