A Solvent Spender

An elderly woman in Hollywood each month receives a check, income
from a farm in Nebraska. She takes it to her banker. He has developed a
friendly interest in her welfare and deducts what she needs to live on,
saves some and divides the rest among her four children.

One day when she came into the bank he said, "You’re 80 years
old, you deserve a holiday, I want you to take $1,500 and go on a
three-month trip and see some of the world. Be sure and spend it all so
you’ll enjoy it. I’ll take care of things for you here."

She agreed.

THE THREE MONTHS passed and he didn’t hear from her so he phoned on of her children.

"Oh, she’s home," he was told.

He called the old woman and told her he’d become a little worried when he didn’t hear from her.

"Well, I had more than $600 left when I got home," she explained,
"and I remembered you told me to spend it all so I wasn’t coming in
until I did. I still have $160 left."

* *

AN AIRCRAFT executive here received a
letter from the state of Oklahoma, his former residence, notifying him
an audid of his 1955 income tax return had disallowed certain
deductions and he owed $10.95.

In explaining
the revision some zealous accountant pointed out with obvious delight
that to justify the deductions the aircraft man that year would have
had to have attended 2.444 shows or sporting events- an average of seven
a day.

Laughing a little madly, the aircrafter sent the check.

* *

A MOTORIST in a beach city was given what he considered an undeserved citation for speeding and retained a lawyer to handle the case.

The
lawyer called the city attorney and said the charge should be dismissed
because the officer had been drunk. The city attorney said that was
ridiculous and refused.

"I think you should
know," the lawyer, Harry Gold, said, "that my client is a Negro aged 53
and the ticket describes him as a white male American aged 23."

The case was dropped like a hot yam and the officer is no longer part of the team.

* *

ANOTHER COMPLAINT by outlanders is that people in Southern California don’t walk enough, that they even drive to a store a block away.

A
man recently returned from England, where he walked himself ecstatic,
sounded this note at a party. Lee Sabinson, the movie producer,
retorted, "I suppose you know you have to have a driver’s license to
walk in California."

* *

ONLY IN L.A.– A
lady I know went to the Westchester branch of the public library and
asked, "Do you have ‘Lolita?’" The librarian smiled wickedly and said,
"Oh yes, we have a few copies- and a two-year waiting list."

* *

AT RANDOM– Remember
when the junior generation used to say, "Aw, go jump in the lake"? Now
the phrase is, "Aw, go play on the freeway’" . . . Bitterest comment on
the market strike-lockout comes from an indignant housewife. "They not
only raised prices," she said, "but they don’t give green stamps any
more!" . . . The new spring term at Compton College will bring the
enrollment of Gene, Sandra and their mother, Ruth Zucker, who remarks,
"There’s nothing like following in your children’s footsteps" . . .
Aside to a number of persons: I have no tips on the horsies at Santa
Anita, honest.