Cadillac Calculus

Martin Ragaway, the comedy writer, a few days ago picked up a youth hitching a ride near Fairfax High. The boy appeared depressed, Martin observed after they’d gone a few blocks, and he asked if something were wrong.

"I’m flunking geometry," was the reply.

Martin laughed and said he’d flunked geometry, too, when he was in school but he’d gotten over it and discovered there were other things in life.

The boy brightened, and by the time he got to his corner he was positively beaming. "Gosh," he said, "I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me."

"I only gave you a lift," Martin said, "I was glad to do it."

"That isn’t what I mean," the boy said. "I mean it’s such a relief to find that a guy can flunk geometry and still drive a Cadillac!"

THE HEAD bookkeeper at a printing firm left suddenly a few days ago, presenting a dilemma. Handling the payroll with its complicated deductions requires experience. Besides, there’s last year’s income and withholding tax to compute for employees.

Desperate, the owner called on a former bookkeeper to return to work. She agreed if he would get a baby sitter. And so, in this emergency, the owner’s wife comes in daily from a beach city to baby sit for the bookkeeper’s child while she brings order out of the payroll maze.

TAKING THEIR PICK
In Alaska, men are said to outnumber women 16 to 1 — News Item.
Men went to Alaska, of old,
To prospect for glittering gold.
Now women, nine times out of ten,
Go up there to prospect for men.
– RICHARD ARMOUR.

SINCE THEY were ordered to take arrested persons before a judge within 48 hours, to conform to a State Supreme Court ruling, L.A. policemen have a problem.

Suppose a burglary suspect is apprehended at 4 a.m. in North Hollywood for a heist committed in San Pedro. The officers have to check the stolen property and get statements from the victim and witnesses who may be difficult to reach.

Suppose they make it in the nick of time, as on "Dragnet." But no court is open at 4 a.m. — not until about 9:30 a.m., but which time the 48-hour time limit has elapsed.

This is a plea to burglary and other suspects to cooperate by getting themselves arrested at a decent hour.

Seriously, the policemen think an all-night court is in order.

A LADY named Molly calls attention to a nasty trend which has been sneaking up on us.

It is the practice, when someone tries to put over an outrageously unfair or self-serving deal, for people in high places to say passively that the proposal "presents a challenge." Instead of spearing it as a bold, perhaps vicious attempt to deceive or defraud.

Maybe we’re becoming too polite.

ANOTHER REASON librarians age prematurely occurred recently at UCLA. A girl student presented a call slip for a 1936 issue of a Russian journal with three lines of title. There was some question whether it had been bound so the student said, "Oh, never mind, I’m just practicing using the library."

MISCELLANY — When you turn something loose you never know where it will land. For instance, the tiny sugar bags served with meals at Sherman Oaks Hospital. They have a printed tag stating, "Enjoy life. Eat out more often" . . . There was more than making a reservation and being at the airport when Lenard Simon flew to S.F. for the furniture show there. He weighs 485 and won’t fit into a seat. So Western Air Lines split the difference. He paid a fare and a half . . . Water engineers are concerned about the drought. Every day that passes without rain means our chances are lessened for a normal season. Even if February and March are wet, the full benefit will be lost because of runoff.