Photo: “One of a kind” customized 1993 Cadillac hearse with satellite dish  for sale on EBay at $6,000 with reserve.

Queen of the Dead – dateline September 12, 2011

•  The restoration of the Habsburgs becomes less likely (OK, it was not really that likely) with the death on September 6 of Archduke Felix of Austria, 95. Known to his pals as “Felix Friedrich August Maria vom Siege Franz Joseph Peter Karl Anton Robert Otto Pius Michael Benedikt Sebastian Ignatius Marcus d’Aviano,” the archduke was the last surviving child of Charles I, and brother of Crown Prince Otto, Austria-Hungary’s last crowned heads. Just a wee archduke of 3 when his family fled their homeland, he went on to fight with the 101st U.S. Infantry Battalion (the “Free Austria Battalion”) in World War II.

•  September 6 saw the death of George Kuchar, 69. He and brother Mike directed, wrote and appeared (one really can’t say “acted”) in countless underground, avant-garde films from the 1950s till a few years ago. I must admit I had never seen any of their films, though I’d certainly heard of them (how could you not, with titles like I Was a Teenage Rumpot, The Naked and the Nude, Cattle Mutilation, The Deafening Goo, Fill Thy Crack With Whiteness, Lumps of Joy, and Felines of Castle Fraulein?). So off to YouTube went Baby, to watch Sins of the Fleshapoids (1965, written by Mike and starring George), and I must say I was charmed! Not the kind of pompous, pretentious, humorless crap I was expecting at all—it was goofy and funny and made a real fan out of me.

 •  Twice-blacklisted TV director Charles Dubin, 92, died on September 5. Dubin was ostracized for directing the crooked quiz show Twenty-One in 1952; then again in 1958 for suspected (and denied) Communist sympathies. Neither blacklisting was very effective, happily: he directed such series as M*A*S*H, Matlock, Hotel, Lou Grant, Hawaii Five-0, Charlie’s Angels, and the ‘50s anthologies Tales of Tomorrow, Omnibus, and Pulitzer Prize Playhouse. Producer Gene Reynolds said, “Charlie was gifted, had a fine eye for comedy and understood the material. He was always an interesting filmmaker, staged well, handled the camera well. And he had a great gift for getting along with people.”

 •  And I expect you have all been forwarded this death in your email already: “MAUMELLE, AK — Police are investigating the death of a man found with a dog collar around his neck in the bathtub of a local residence with a sleeping television weatherman.” Goodness knows that’s happened to most of us at some point; I can’t help but think of how awkward the weatherman’s upcoming employee review and office holiday party are going to be.

—Eve Golden