Mash Notes and Comment

         
“Dear Mr. Coates:

          “It is again our privilege to have a dance date for the purpose of raising funds for the ‘March of Dimes’ Saturday evening, Jan. 23.

          “We were unfortunate in having you at our last year’s date and we trust you will be free to attend as our guest this year.”

(signed) Gertrude Moss and Perry Minetti, Circle J Ranch, Newhall.

          –I’m free, but if that’s the way you feel about it, I’m not coming.

::

          “Coatsy-

          “What happened, old man?

          “I been watching you on TV for a long, long time now but lately, mister, you’re going downhill.

    “Not your programs.  I got no complaint against them.

          “I’m talking about YOU!

          “Your face.  Those bags under your eyes.  What happened?  No sleep?

          “And that five o’clock shadow on your chin and lack of it above your forehead.

          “It even looks to me like your ears are bigger these days, but maybe you’re just getting your hair (what’s left of it) trimmed a little closer.

          “And come on, Coatsy, those droopy shoulders.  What’s so hard about sitting up straight?

          “And that perpetual sneer, can’t your make-up man do something about that!

          “I’m sorry that I have to be the one to tell you, buddy, but somebody should.  You’re a REAL MESS.)

          (signed) Sammy J., El Monte.

          –You think I look bad.  You should see Hal Humphrey without his glasses.

::

          “to Paul

          “I took six people to Bayshore Hiway tonite in my taxi.  I had half a turkey in my back seat and some roast beef that a resterant friend of mine gave me.

          “My custermers were going to get a gal. of wine and on the trip they ate up the turkey and the roast beef.  They stopped and got a gal. of wine to wash it down Paul.  I helped them with the wine.

This Cabby Has a Real Beef

          “One of them says Parkey friend, hold my wrist watch and I will pay you next week.  I said keep it I might get loaded myself and sell it.

          “The taxi trip cost me one half turkey and the roast beef and Im stuck for the ride.

          “People talk about Tortilla Flats, Paul.  They should know my friends!!!”

          (signed) Parkey Sharkey, 2077 Bay Road, Palo Alto.

          –They’re not really your friends, Parkey.  The
y’re just using you.

::

          (PRESS RELEASE) “CONFIDENTIAL KUDOS  . . . THE NEW YORK TIMES last week backed up the item appearing in a previous ‘CONFIDENTIAL MEMO’ that the Birth Control issue in the current Presidential hassle is being used, especially in the South, against Se. John Kennedy.

          “And, do you recall that we wrote weeks ago that Adlai Stevenson would shortly become a strong candidate for the nomination?

          “Don’t want to brag, but . . . “

          (signed) Confidential Magazine, New York City.

          –Oh go ahead.  It took real guts to go out on the limb like that.