Charles Schulz veers dangerously close to sitcom territory.

Ugh!

I am constantly assailed by
brilliant ideas for improving the world. They come to me from out of
nowhere. The other day I was attacked by a little beauty which I am
passing along in the hope that it may beef up, whatever that means, the
so-called faltering economy.

If I correctly appraise the present
mood of car owners, there is what is known as a buyers resistance to
some autos which have those ridiculous, meaningless fins in the rear.

I join in protest. They're awful. No matter what the engineers say, they are simply bad design. As Henry Dreyfuss,
the noted industrial designer, keeps reminding people, form should
follow function. If anyone can establish that these ugly, protruding
fins have any function, don't call me, I'll call you.

WELL, MY BRAINSTORM
for today is for dealers caught with flocks of unsold blunderbusses on
their lots to chop off those fins and smooth out the tops of the rear
fenders, thereby achieving a true streamline. Actually the fins are all
that's wrong with many cars. It's a fairly simple operation, as any
body repair mechanic who slicks up hot rods knows.

It's
conceivable that dealers would not only sell their "new models" but
would create a nice sideline, fin knocking-off factories which would
put scores of people to work.

I might even buy one myself. My 8-year-old finless Diplodocus Six has developed a nasty wheeze.

::

THERE ARE 
all sorts of stories about TV shows that never got off the ground for
one reason or another, usually irrelevant, or because of some whimsy of
the potential sponsor.

Sam Zelman of KNXT relays one about a
cultural program with a 3 p.m. Sunday time slot that was offered to the
socially prominent president of an eastern railroad. He promptly
refused.

"I wouldn't think of buying a program at that time," he said. "Who would be watching? They'd all be out playing polo!"

::

NATURE PROVIDES

A crab has a claw to grab
with —
A gossip a jaw to gab with.
    — JOSEPH P. KRENGEL