Baseball always seemed a simple game to me, but Al Wolf's coverage of the Hollywood Stars' 12-0 victory over the San Francisco Seals required some explanation. Or translation.

Wolf turned the Stars into the Twinks (a familiar nickname often used in headlines) and the homebreds. Pinky Woods wasn't just the winning pitcher. He right-handed his way to victory.

The game was played in Hollywood so the fans were the Gilmore Gardens gazers. Hits were round-trippers or two-ply wallops. Runs were markers or tallies.

The opposition became the no-so-sassy Seals.

The best part of the story didn't have any goofy names. Wolf noted that a game later that week had been deemed "Television appreciation night," with a $500 set to be given as a door prize.

Guess the winner could gaze at a round-tripper leaving Gilmore Gardens.

— Keith Thursby