Non-Conformist

There is a
widespread belief that conformity has so overwhelmed everyone that even
the hardiest individualists have lost their incentive and inspiration.
There's evidence today that this is not entirely true.

A solid citizen, piqued at some flaw in civilization, went out on the town and, after the bars closed, followed some new-found friends to their home in Beverly Hills.

All of a sudden it was 7 a.m., time to go to work. But when he looked for his car he couldn't remember where he'd parked it.

He
took a cab downtown, but decided to stop at a favorite bar for a
refresher before going to the office. There he met a couple of cronies
and he related his misfortunes. He had neglected to go home, he was
late for work, he had misplaced his car and he had been forced to spend
$5 on cab fare.

One friend said, "I can solve all your troubles for $6 more."

This sounded like a good deal, and our hero said he'd buy it.

The
friend handed him a pawn ticket and, inadvertently coining a new
definition of the word sympathy, said, "It's for my 38 revolver — go
shoot yourself!"

::

SPEAKING OF PARKING,
two married couples a few nights ago went to open house at the school
their children attend. The husbands let the wives out at the entrance
and went to look for a place to park. They drove for blocks without
finding a vacant space and then noticed a bowling alley in the
distance. The same diabolical thought — they are avid bowlers —
struck them simultaneously.

This is to report that midway in the
open house proceedings a voice came over the public-address system
announcing, "For the first time in history our school must report a
lost father. Will Mr. Blank please join his wife in Room C-2."

::

TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT

The modern generation has so much,
Nothing seems to faze or floor 'em.
The only thing they really lack
Is some good old-fashioned decorum.

-JUNE R. DRUMMOND

::

THE CITY COUNCIL, as you may have read, is considering an ordinance to make it illegal to feed pigeons. Which reminded Cal Crotsenburg of the old story about the hard-working farm boy from Morongo Valley whose parents decided he'd earned a day off.

He
was feeding popcorn to the pigeons in Pershing Square when a slicker
came by and said, "You're a stranger in town, aren't you?" When the boy
said yes, the slicker gave him a fast flash of breakfast food police
badge and said, "I figured you were. You know there's a $1 fine for
feeding a pigeon in L.A. How many did you feed?" The boy said two and
the slicker said, "That'll be $2."

Relating the incident later
to his parents, the boy said jubilantly, "I sure fooled him. I told him
I'd only fed two but I'll bet I fed at least a dozen."

Now we'll have to figure out a new ending.

 ::

QUOTE & UNQUOTE —
When people ask how he feels, a man who recently underwent surgery
replies, "Well, at first I was miserable but now I'm merely
uncomfortable" … It's odd how the same expressions keep cropping up
through the years … A man noting a repeated street excavation
remarked, "They didn't find the boss' watch the first time so they had
to dig it up again" … Remember the observation here by a man recently
restored to bachelorhood that the most amazing thing was how long a
tube of toothpaste lasted? A gal who now lives alone has a different
impression: "The nights last longer."

::

AROUND TOWN —
A friendly young man named Drew Howard is known as the good Samaritan
of 1st and San Pedro Streets. He tells the near-sighted ladies waiting
there whether the approaching buses are on the SierraMadre or Sierra
Vista line. They sometimes get on the wrong one … Wildlife question
for today: Why do baby birds flutter their wings when their patients
feed them?