She Stood in Bed

They said it
couldn’t be done, but it was to a lady who lives in a large apartment
house in midtown L.A. She turned over in bed around 1 a.m. and the bed,
installed a few days before, folded with a whoosh into the wall,
jamming her tightly, upside down, with her face full of pillow. Fearing
suffocation, naturally she panicked.

She managed to work an
arm loose and banged on the floor. The people in the apartment below
her heard and indignantly banged back. When the pounding continued they
called the manager, who rescued her. She was trapped for an agonizing
half-hour and suffered a wrenched neck.

"Chicks like easygoing, smooth cats, somebody who’s been around."

Opal Wise of the
Central Insurance Agency, who handled the claim, said it was the first
one on record. Investigation disclosed faulty installation, not the bed
itself, was the cause.

The loss of dignity was bad enough, but
what tortured the victim more was the reaction of the ambulance and
emergency hospital attendants when they learned what had happened. They
laughed.

CARAMBA! Cathie Walls, 6, of Wilmington, announced on returning home from school that she could count to 5 in Spanish and she did: "uno, dos, tres, pot roast, cinco" . . . Steve Levy, 12, excitedly informed his mother a new boy named Ramon Porfavor, who couldn’t speak English, had entered his class at Crozier
Junior High. She said that was an odd name and he said, "Well, when the
teacher told him where to sit she said, ‘Over here, Ramon,por favor.’" The boy is really Ramon Diaz. 

UNTRUE TO FORM
A rich contract for acting half nude
Proved to be the lady’s nemesis.
What prominence to her had accrued
Had been built on false premises.
— MATTIE RAE

ONLY IN L.A.– A
woman in the Goodwill Industries store on S Broadway pawed through a
basket of eyeglasses and finally selected dark harlequins set with
rhinestones. She held them up, tried them on, then asked, "You sure
these aren’t medicated?" After a puzzled moment the clerk caught on and
assured her they were plain glass, not prescription ground.

THERE’S QUITE a story about Dorothy M. Johnson, who wrote "The Hanging Tree," on which the movie is based.

Miss
Johnson, 53, is a journalism prof at Montana State University,
secretary of the Montana State Press Assn. and editor of several
newsletters. When not busy at these jobs she hunts down old-timers from
whose campfire stories she has evolved many of her raw, fiercely
written frontier tales. Several are unforgettable, particularly "Lost
Sister," included in her paperback collection.

Ironically, Miss Johnson broke into print with a book titled "Beulah Bunny Tells All."

FORTUNATELY there’s a limit to town-naming gags, and we’ve about reached it.

N.O. Greer cooked up these: Wehav, No. Car.; Woeis, Me.; Young, Miss., and Hangoutha, Wash.

Judi Stone is responsible for Aga, Conn.; Koko, Mo.; Wait, N.C.; Wassamatta, Pa., and Youlgetitintha, Ind.

Jack Foyle’s best are You, S.C. and Casanoh, Va.

Raul Rodriguez must take the blame for Shapely, Calif.; Fatted, Calif.; Ifonly, Ida.; Brilliant, Colo.; Income, Tex., and Happy, N.D.

LOOSE ENDS — Anybody knows S. Cooper, retired Navy officer, Annapolis class of ’14? Al Hagerman
chief engineer at Shrine Auditorium, found his class ring in a pipe
conduit tunnel under the place . . . Daniel Boone (of Bank of America)
talked to David Crockett (of Lincoln Savings) the other day about the
1959 Heart Fund campaign . . . Sudden thought by Bill Weaver onKNX . If
Ed Murrow lined up Drew Pearson and Bishop Sheen, he could bill his
program as Pearson to Parson on Person to Person . . . Nick B.
Williams, Times editor, getsMoideled today at a slings and arrows lunch. Probably even be disclosed that the B stands for Boddie.