The penalty for firing an antique broomhandle Mauser with shoulder stock: You get shot and lose one of your loafers.
Space Mail
Let us try to understand a weird incident that took place a few days ago at International Airport.
A lady waiting for her delayed jet flight to Chicago to take off was chatting with a fellow passenger, and the conversation turned to jet planes and what would come next.
Out of the blue he said casually, “We’re already there. I get mail regularly from outer space.”
She thought he was joking but he wasn’t. He was a true believer in flying saucers. She isn’t and asked if he had such a letter with him, she’d like to see it. He reached in his pocked but seemed to have mislaid it.
| “Well, tell me then,” she pursued, “what is the postage rate from outer space?”He couldn’t remember and went into a sulk about unbelievers. She enjoyed a nice quiet trip to Chi.
:: ONE THING is always leading to another, especially over a beer in a certain Hill St. bat cave. The other day two fellows named, so helped me, Paddy and Mike, were chatting in a derogatory manner about marriage and Paddy mentioned that one of his earlier spouses had been his morganatic wife. This seemed a very fancy word to be uttered in such a joint and Mike asked about it. Paddy explained, “Well, she got fed up with me and took off with a streetcar conductor in Portland named Morgan.”
:: ONE MAN’S MEAT :: A MAN WHO haunts used-book stores has been unwittingly assembling a list of the most unwanted books. He has no idea why but at the moment there seems a
plethora of “Young Man of Caracas” by T.L.Ybarra and “The Second Happiest Day” by John Phillips, with John Gunther’s “Inside Latin America” not far behind. Curiously enough, many best sellers of not too long ago are now surplus. Probably clashed with the wallpaper.Book sleuthing, by the way, can be rewarding. I recently picked up a copy of J.D. Salinger’s “Catcher in the Rye” in the Volunteers of America shop on 3rd St. near Broadway for 35 cents.
Whoa! Let’s just run that headline into the photo, shall we? :: SPEAKING OF books, Mrs. Lillian B. Freer, county librarian in South Arcadia,
reports that a young policeman registered at her branch recently but his application was returned from Central with a “record.” Thirteen years ago, when he was a young boy, he lost a $2.50 book, “Pony Express Goes Through,” and had paid only $1.65 of it. As he handed over the 85 cents he owed he said, “Gee, you librarians have memories like elephants.” :: A FLUTTERY lady at a party, complaining about a citation for driving too slowly, said, “And that nasty man gave me a ticket for underspeeding!” . . . For new definitions for old words, here’s Ralph Freeman’s: Deficiency — the one that got away . . . Meanwhile, some baseball fans are still quivering from an interview in which pitcher Roger Craig said that on a certain play Hank Aaron “nonchalanted the ball.”
:: QUOTE & UNQUOTE — Jeff Ragaway, 10: “Surest way to find out how many relatives you have is to get a swimming pool and an adding machine” . . . Dean Tracy Strevey of SC says an egghead is anyone who would introduce Marilyn Monroe as Mrs. Arthur Miller . . . A man named Joe, who lives in South San
Gabriel, is a streetcar motorman and on his days off his wife Fran says, “Joe’s off his trolley again.” A neighbor tattled. :: MISCELLANY — Unidentified flying objects are no problem in Studio City; it’s the low-flying identified ones that bug Tom Cracraft, who thinks they should be subject to the same driving rules as the rest of us . . . The scene in TV westerns that melts down big Stan Wood, no simple matter, is the one in which the bad man, ordered out of town, says softly but menacingly, “Don’t push me, marshal!”
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