Mash Notes and Comment

 

    (Newsletter) "VAGABONDING WITH VANDERBILT, by Cornelius Vanderbilt . . .

    "I WRITE AS I PLEASE . . .

 

    "People are always writing me and asking why I don't write 'exactly' what people tell me instead of making my own deductions.

 

    "Here is a sample of how some of their suggestions would come out:

 

    "At a cocktail dinner dance at the very exclusive Miami Beach Bath Club, I sat between two elderly ladies of great wealth.  The retired admiral's wife doubted the possibility of WW III and she told me of the trouble she was having with her new dentures.

 

    "I advised her to take out the lower and eat soggy foods.

     "Her reply: 'But I'm not even wearing the uppers!' . . .

 

    "At  a supper party in the exquisite and very chic Bar Harbor Emerald Isle Hotel, a young business genius was expounding on his 'conquests' of wealthy married women and how their husbands had to 'fall in line' and buy stock in his companies.

 

    "He talked too big even for a big, handsome brute.

 

    "Said I: 'Have a good time now.  It ain't going to last long.  I understand the present guy you think you are so eloquently fooling used to work for the FBI and, when they get you, you'll be sorry you ever started this.'  . . .

 

     ". . . And so on this note I will leave you for a little while, to remain your space rocketing, behind-the-scenes informant.

 

    "Hoping I can always keep my feet on the ground and my nose to the wind for all of you."  (signed) Neil Vanderbilt, Box 654, Reno, Nev.

 

    –Will the retired Admiral's Lady take out her lower plate?  Will the FBI catch up with the Bar Harbor wife-snatcher?  Don't miss the next exciting issue of "Vagabonding With Vanderbilt."

 

 

    (Press Release) "KMPC Disc Jockey Dick Whittinghill, who has turned over the office of Honorary Mayor of Toluca Lake to his boss, Gene Autry, thought perhaps it would be nice if he invited some of Autry's fellow Oklahomans to the ceremony held last week at Lakeside Country Club.

 

    "One guest was a chief of a tribe of Indians who was most impressed with the accommodations Whit provided him at the Hollywood Plaza Hotel.

 

    "He was particularly impressed with the light in the bathroom — so much so he thought it would be a good addition for his entire tribe.

 

    "Cracked Whittinghill:  'He's the only guy I've ever heard of that wires a head for a reservation.' "  (signed) publicity Dept., KMPC, Hollywood.

 

 

 

    (Press Release) "Dick Whittinghill, king of the local disc jockeys and close friend of Lassie's mother, June Lockhart, makes his dramatic TV debut in a major role on 'Lassie,' Sunday, April 10, Channel 2 at 7 p.m.

 

    "Whittinghill plays a thoughtless and destructive urbanite who goes hunting in Lassie's woods and ends up shooting his hunting partner, non-fatally in the head.

 

    "The episode is fraught with morals in its denouement."  (signed) Public Relations Department, Batten, Barton, Durstine & Osborn, 1680 N Vine St., Hollywood.

 

    –Shot him in the head, eh?  That kid's  in a rut.