If Jack Paar is remembered at all, it’s for walking off the “Tonight” show (yes, he returned). From watching him as a kid, I remember him as being urbane but volatile – a curious combination.

Minnie, 83, and Young Neighbor, 75, Feuding

    (News item)  DETROIT, Feb. 11- When 83-year-old Mrs. Minnie Gilland decided her "young" 75-year-old neighbor, Mrs. Mary Donaldson, was trying to "witch" away her husband, she knew exactly what to do.  She painted a "hex" sign- of tar and chicken feathers- on Mrs. Donaldson's house. A local judge knew what to do, too.  He found her guilty of destroying property.

    While the rest of you were idly standing in line for tickets to the Finch trial yesterday, I was busy getting the facts on another reported love triangle.

    To wit, that rumored affaire d'amour between Mary Donaldson and Minnie Gilland's husband.

    And I can tell you now, there isn't a thing to it.

    I telephoned Mrs. Donaldson in Detroit last night.

    "This is The Mirror News in Hollywood calling," I explained.  (Whenever I phone anybody long-distance I always tell them I'm calling from Hollywood.  Everybody's heard of Hollywood.  But how many out-of-towners have heard of Los Angeles?)

    "From Hollywood?" she gasped.  "What do you want with me?"

     I explained that Minnie Gilland's accusations against her had been printed here, and the interests of honest journalism would be served if she would tell me her side of the story.

    "Oh," she commented.  Then she added:  "Frankly, I don't need any more publicity about it.  I wouldn't have that woman's husband."

    "Then," I probed gently, "it was all just nasty neighborhood gossip?"

    "Gossip?"  Mrs. Donaldson cried.  "Who was gossiping?  It was just that woman.  She was the only one who was saying things.

    "The neighbors," she added.  "They're all on my side."

    "You never did anything to arouse her suspicions?"  I asked.

    Mrs. Donaldson cleared her throat.  "Sir, I'm an honorable woman.  The only association I have with that woman's husband is I buy my coal from him.  He's a coal-man.  But all he does is pour it into the bin.  From outside the house, I do my own shoveling.

    "Of course," she added after a pause, "I've given him a meal a few times.  But everybody in the neighborhood does.  That woman won't even cook for her husband.  He'd starve if we didn't feed him."

     "Do you think," I asked, "that Mrs. Gilland might have misinterpreted these little acts of neighborliness and put the hex on you? . . ."

    "Put the hex on me?"  Mrs. Donaldson interrupted.  "She didn't put any hex on me.  She claims that I put one on her to get her husband away from her.  She told the judge that was why she put that big circle of tar and feathers on my house.  To get rid of the hex that I put on HER.
   
    "Me!" she said.  "I don't even believe in hexes."

    There was, but only for a moment, silence.  Then Mrs. Donaldson continued:

    "And another thing.  That woman told the papers that she was 83 years old.  More like 85 and 90, if you ask me.  Married to a man in his 60s.  Imagine that!  She says he's her second husband, but I say he's her third."

    "The papers," I inserted gingerly, "quoted your age as 75.  Is that right?"

    "Well, I don't show my age.  At least, that's what everyone says."

    "May I ask you an indelicate question, Mrs. Donaldson?"

    "You may try,"   she said.

    "Do you," I said, "have any romantic interests at present?"

    "Sir,"  she said, "I'm 75 years old.  I'm a widow.  When you're my age, you don't think of things like that.  That's why I can't understand what's gotten into that woman."

    By this time, I had the situation pretty well sized up.  I thanked Mrs. Donaldson.  I hung up satisfied that I had protected the sanctity of one American home.

    And now that that's out of the way, I've got this guy saving my place in line at the Finch trial and I'm open to any reasonable offers.  Do I hear $5?