Paul V. Coates — Confidential File, June 13, 1959

Posted on June 13, 2009 by lmharnisch
 

Confidential File

Mash Notes and Comments

Paul Coates"Dear Paul,

"There
is a new game going around that I am the sole instigator of which has
the skeptics saying, 'How about that?' It's spreading like wild flowers.

"Here's all you do: Write down a three digit number; the first one must be larger than the other two.

Now, reverse this number and subtract that from the original.

"Then take this remainder and reverse it and add the two together.

"Subtract 400. Got it?

"Now
then, turn to that page number in the Central District L.A. phone book
for June '59, and look at the second listing on that page.

"How about that?

June 13, 1959, Fire "You can see how new this trick is because the '59 book is still crashing in screen doors out in the fringe areas.

"This is no trick, Paul. I mean, this is no gag or joke. It's for real.

"It's more of a trick or a gag, though, than it is a stunt or a gimmick.

"You know what I mean?" (Signed) Cliff Mackay, 6844 Camrose Dr., Hollywood.

–Shut up and deal.

::

(Press
Release) "With all the acclaim Baker, the space monkey, has received, a
fellow simian today requested that he not get into his act — shining
shoes. In return, the simian promised not to take space flights.

"Kokomo
Jr., famed 3-year-old TV chimpanzee, retained as a shoeshine
demonstrator by Esquire polish firm, sent a congratulatory wire with
proposition to the recuperating Baker at the Naval Aviation School of
Medicine, Pensacola, Fla.

"The chimp has been receiving national acclaim for his shoe-shining feats.

June 13, 1959, CSUN "The wire read: 'Congratulations on your successful space flight. I won't take space flights if you won't shine shoes.'

"The wire was signed, 'Apingly yours.'"
(Signed) Carl Erbe Associates, Public Relations, 595 Madison Ave., New York City.

–That's fairly clever, if you consider it was written by a monkey.

::

 "Dear Sir:

"Before you buy a boat, as you mentioned you were planning to do in your column, send to the Navy Department up Nor'East and donate about $10 for Nathaniel Bowditch's navigation study, and a few rules in mathematics are a must.

"Else, use you sextant for an anchor.

"Educated advice on the subject of navigation is the biggest help.

Advice From an Old Sailor

"Look what happened to the master of the schooner Hesperus. He wouldn't take the wise old sailor's advice:

"'I pray thee, put into yonder port, for I fear a hurricane.

"'Last night the moon had a dark ring around it — tonight no moon we see.

"' The skipper blew a whiff from his pipe and a scornful laugh laughed he.

"' I can ride the roughest gale that ever wind did blow…'

"Use a few of the well-known lights on dark nights — such as Venus, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter and Neptune.

"You also got to know the difference between longitude and latitude.

"You should know the difference between port side and starboard.

"Boating is a serious business. Don't take it lightly. Remember, you've got to use your head."

(Signed) Leo F. Quinn, P.O. Box 385, L.A. 53.

–Well, that much I DO know.
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About lmharnisch

I am retired from the Los Angeles Times
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