Matt Weinstock — June 12, 1959

Posted on June 12, 2009 by lmharnisch

Wrong Rite

Matt Weinstock It seems incredible but people keep going to the wrong funerals.

Announcement
was made in a church on a recent Sunday that a faithful parishioner
named Fred Johnson had died and services would be held on the following
Tuesday.

A couple who had known him for a long time but had been
out of touch with him were grieved and attended the service. Afterward
they went up to the casket for a final look, only to discover it was
another man.

Turned out they'd heard wrong. Their friend, Ted Johnson, they were happy to learn, is alive and well.

::

June 12, 1959, Gun THINGS ARE clearly
out of control in Nebraska. Betty Guthrie, of Hermosa Beach, received a
letter from he 10-year-old grandniece there stating, "We have three
ducks. One is a drake and there are two ganders. One will soon have
baby ducks."

::

THE OTHER DAY
Buck Hurst of the CBS sales department drove out to the airport to pick
up an adman friend arriving from New York. It was obvious at a glance
that his friend had a hangover and Buck said, "Gee, you look terrible,
your eyes are all bloodshot."

His friend groaned, "You ought to see them from in here."

::

GOLDSMITH CORRECTED

When lovely woman stoops to folly,
And finds too late that men betray,
She goes to court and wins by golly,
And makes them pay and pay and pay.

— G.C. McHose

::

1959_0612_yacht IT'S REPORT
card time and, as always, many faltering students fear the worst. Thus
a mother appeared at a high school the other day and asked to speak to
a teacher named Wolf to learn why he intended to flunk junior. There
was no Wolf on the faculty and, at length, someone checkedjunior's program and found ma was confused. She wanted to speak to Mr. Lyon. Which did not endear her to the staff.

::

EVERY TIME the name Caskie Stinnett
appears in print people ask, "Are you kidding? Is there really someone
with the name?" There certainly is. He was in town the other day. He's
tall, distinguished looking, addicted to bow ties and unpredictable,
wildly humorous flights of fancy written and spoken.

Among other
things he writes a monthly booklet for Holiday magazine. In the current
number he puts his wide readership on notice of a nasty situation in
the East. One issue of Variety, he points out, had 33 news stories
dealing with censorship in entertainment. And twice in one week workmen
went aloft to paint more clothes on a lady advertising "The NakedMaja."

Furthermore,
customs officials are questioning the "seriousness" of persons wishing
copies of Henry Miller's naughty opus. "The Tropic of Capricorn."

But
the big thing was the raid on Philadelphia coffeehouses suspected of
being hangouts, as the police put it, of "intellectuals and other shady
characters." This is calculated to send a shiver of apprehension along
Sunset Strip.

::

SOMEONE LEFT the engine running in a late model Chevrolet parked at Marineland
the other night and a deputy sheriff tried to unlock the door to turn
off the ignition. When he couldn't, he lifted the hood. However, he
decided against pulling a wire or tampering on the grounds that the
owner might object. So he let it run.Photog Bob Martin, standing nearby observed, "Maybe ought to shoot it. That would kill the engine."

::

AT RANDOM — Dick Nash reports there's a horse racing around Chicago named Rickover, by Crafty Admiral … Kardko, a greeting card firm started a year ago by Rolin Binser,
19, and his brother Vaughn, 24, of Sherman Oaks, has one with a drawing
of an old geezer captioned, "Don't get all choked up over this Father's
Day card." And inside the fold, "It only cost a dime" … JoeKrengel's description of a glutton: an eatnik.

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About lmharnisch

I am retired from the Los Angeles Times
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