Matt Weinstock — May 14, 1959

Posted on May 14, 2009 by lmharnisch

Cause of the World's  Ills

Matt_weinstockdIt
isn't often you get the kind of significant thinking that emerged the
other day during a coffee break in a Spring Street restaurant.

A man named Joe broke open the conversation by announcing that he'd figured out the reason for all the trouble in the world.

We know through physics, he said, that everything, including man, is made up of atoms, intricately arranged.

For
billions of years, he went on, atoms have swirled happily around their
favorite nuclei. Then man came along and split them. This not only
hurt; it made them yearn for their former tranquility.

Angered,
bruised, their dignity offended, the atoms have gotten together and
decided they've had enough of man's incessant tinkering. Man, they have
decreed, has got to go.

May 14, 1959, Bus Terminal No, the coffee wasn't spiked.

::

SEVERAL PERSONS have
been haunted by the provocative beginning of a science-fiction story,
used by writer Fredric Brown and printed here: "The last man on Earth
sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door –"

However, Florence Welisch believes she has the answer: It could have been a woman.

::

WHAT THE THUNDER BURRED

Dew ewe think everyone
Should be afford donor?
Wino! What would the flacks
Do without their cattle ax?

-LANCELOT

::

MOST VIVID memory Mac Mohr brought back from a trip to New York last week had to do with a cabby he called to drive him from his hotel to the terminal, where he would get a bus to the airport.

As they started out the cabby
said, "How about me taking you all the way to the airport. Normally
it's a $6 trip but this has been a dull day and I'll do it for $5.50."
Mac declined. The cabby said $5 and Mac shrugged and said OK.

Halfway there the cabby scowled so fiercely Mac asked if anything was the matter.

May 14, 1959, Comics "Yeah," was the disgusted reply, "you're my first fare all day and I'm not going to make a nickel."

::

 IT IS CLEAR that
the credit card people are in a feverish competition to outdo each
other in rendering unusual services. Today, score a point for the
Diners' Club.

While driving at night — Tempe, Ariz, in January, Paul Falkenhagen
crashed into an unlighted, illegally parked car and sustained head
injuries, including a broken nose. Fortunately he had purchased an
accident policy eight days before through his credit card.

Last
week Beneficial Standard Life of this city presented him with a check
for $1698.67 for the patching up. Get the picture? A new nose, courtesy
the Diners' Club.

::

LATEST
version on an old Madison Avenue theme, overheard by Henry Lewis, the
literary agent: "Let's send it through the dairy and see if it comes
back with any butter fat."

::

May 14, 1959, Abby AT RANDOM —
The banner line, "Press Hunt for Fugitives," fascinated Don Holden, of
San Gabriel. He wondered if it meant reporters were organizing a posse
…  J. Nagy heard a KFAC announcer say, "for a stable sole" instead of "for a sable stole." He liked it better with the fluff … Anyone besides Rose Mendelsohn
notice that on the Firestone Hour Monday a plaque was awarded the
Firestone Fire & Rubber Co. for its "tireless" efforts in research?
… It's a crazy age all right. Duane DuZan saw a sign on a shop in
Pasadena: "We dry clean wash and wear garments" … The town has really
gone theater mad. The Greek Theater received a signed blank check for
eight season tickets ($32 each) with a  note, "Fill in amount" — and
an address … JayGurey now gets out the Gurey Gulch Gazette instead of
writing letters. His slogan: "Do something every day to make other
people happy — even it it's merely to let them alone."
Unknown's avatar

About lmharnisch

I am retired from the Los Angeles Times
This entry was posted in Columnists, Matt Weinstock. Bookmark the permalink.