Wanton Juveniles

On their
return from several months in Europe, a couple learned the furnished
house they own in San Fernando Valley had been vacated by the people
they had rented it to and become the rendezvous of juveniles who held
parties there and damaged it.

They went out to inspect the place
and came upon incredible destruction. All the windows in the house were
broken, the picture frames were gouged and the upholstered furniture
ripped, apparently with a can opener. The senselessness of the
vandalism appalled all of them.

In all the house they found only two objects unbroken — two mirrors. Bad luck, you know.

ON THE Universal-International back lot, out of view but a short distance from Hollywood Freeway, where autoists
compete fiercely, a film company is shooting "Spartacus," in which
gladiators battle to death as they did in Rome in 74 BC. Some wag,
impressed by the parallel, has put a sign on the set, "Caesar's
Cloverleaf, 1/4 Mile."

 NUMBERS GAME —
Rosetta Bent's preschooler was running around the house chanting "2, 4,
5, 7, 9, 11, 13" and she got the uneasy feeling he might be plugged in
on some cosmic code–until she realized he was repeating the TV
channels … Actor RobertBrubaker's daughter Karyn painstakingly wrote
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9," then asked, "How do you make a 10?" Before
he could answer she squealed, "Oh, I remember what the teacher said.
It's a 1 with a swimming pool next to it!"

RARE SPECIES

–EDITH OGUTSCH

SILLY STUFF keeps happening in bars.

The clientele at the Rainbow was watching a Joe Palooka epic on the TV late show and the plot roared along to the climactic fight scene. The opening round showed a character bopping Palooka (Joe Kirkwood)
around the ring. At this point a young man addicted to wagering on
almost anything said to the man on the next stool, "I'll bet you $3 to
$1 Joe wins." The bet was made.

 As the fight went on and it became apparent the tide was turning the short ender blinked at the TV set, turned to his betting friend and, barkeep Eddie Wingerter relates, inquired suspiciously, "You sure you ain't seen this picture before?"

THEN THERE
was the the customer, possibly an unemployed ad agency man, in the
Brass Rail on West 3rd Street who summoned the management and suggested
renaming the place the Guard Rail.Motivationally, he pointed out, it would give skizzled patrons a protected feeling.

"Imagine," he exulted, "a big neon sign out in front reading 'The Guard Rail. The Saloon That Cares.' "

PEOPLE KEEP
dreaming up variations on the TV commercial in which the question is
asked, "Do you think everyone should be a dog?" Another answer: "No, I
don't think the other dogs would like it."

AT RANDOM –– In the event an urgent need arises, Gladwill
Hill of the New York Times office here has an excellent recipe for
barbecued armadillo … Bob Johnson has a title with demonstrated fan
appeal when Hollywood gets around to filming "Lolita" — "Some Like a
Tot."