Crime and Punishment

A young
man named Len was stopped recently for an illegal left turn on Vermont
Ave. and, when it turned out he didn't have his driver's license, the
officer ran a routine check on him over the police radio.

Back came the word that there was an outstanding warrant against him for overparking in a one-hour zone, and he was instructed to follow the gendarme to the downtown jail.

Len
said he didn't remember any such parking citation and had never
received notice that the warrant would be issued, as is procedure, but
he was booked anyway.

BUT THE REAL SURPRISE was to come.
He was placed in a cell with several smudged characters and after
getting oriented, he asked one huge gentleman what he was in for.
"Assault with a deadly weapon," he said. Another was there for
burglary, a third for selling narcotics.

Then Len was asked why he was there and he said "Overparking."
They thought he was trying to be funny and they didn't think he was. He
finally convinced them but, as the crime reporters put it, mayhem was
narrowly averted.

::

A YOUNG MAN named George drove his girl named Grace to a wonderfully secluded spot overlooking the ocean at Point Fermin
the other night and, as they chatted about the weather and other
things, she suddenly inquired suspiciously. "Say, how did you happen to
find this place?"

"Oh." he replied. "I used to come up here with my buddy to watch the submarine races."

::

PARDON
The people in the Middle East
Eat shish kebab at every feast,
They have no cows, no lowing herds,
They have no whey but lots of Kurds.
-G.L Ertz

::

AS EVERYONE who has ever applied for a job with the federal government knows, he must fill out a Form 57.

The
other night a gal named Kathleen noticed the attendant in the powder
room of a luxurious Hollywood saloon was hard at work on an
official-looking form and asked, "Making out a 57?"

"No, ma'am," was the reply, "a 58."

Puzzled, Kathleen looked closer and — sure enough — it was a 58 — a form 1040 for last year.

::

OVER A
second cup of coffee a group of Hollywood writers were moaning about
how dull things were and wondering what they might do to liven up the
world a little, and one of them, MartinRagaway reports, said brightly, "Hey, why don't we park a Ford in Dinah Shore's driveway!"

::

JUNE MAY BE Daily
Month elsewhere, but a sign on the Great Western Livestock grounds off
Atlantic Blvd. states clearly it is Daily Month. Perhaps it is an
inadvertently typographical reminder to June brides to start checking
on June grooms from the start…And a poolside sign at a Santa Barbara
motel, BillLathan reports, states, "No laughter or other unnecessary noise." In other words, be grim when you swim.

::

MISCELLANY — How would you like to be the announcer when the Five Keys, a vocal group, plays the Austerbaljarbio
Theater in Reykjavik, Iceland, May 1-10?… Nice line by Jim Backus at
the Hollywood Women's Press Club Men's Day lunch: "He had the
personality of a cup of lard" … No truth to the rumor. Bob Manners
says, "that M. Chevalier will sing "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" as
the theme music for "Lolita" when it is filmed … Now don't forget,
Dorris Hellman reminds, when Daylight Savings begins Sunday, April 26,
it's "Spring forward, fall back"…Correction: It's people who cross
the equator, not the international dateline, who becomeShellbacks.