End of the Trail

It
may take a generation or two — and in the broad scheme of things what
are a few years — but writer Bob Schiller is confident of the
inevitable demise of the TV western. The thought came to him when he
took his children to a dentist. The doctors, technicians and
receptionists were all dressed in cowboy outfits. The kids sat on
saddles.

The masquerade, of course, is designed to distract them
and dispel any silly notion that what the dentist is about to do to
them will hurt.

Maybe it does. On the other hand, maybe it
doesn't. And if it doesn't, let's look ahead. Can you imagine kids
wanting any truck with cowpokes who come at them with pincers and
drills?

A LADY WHO
received an electric toaster for Easter has no use for it so she took
it back to the store to exchange it for an electric frying pan, which
she has wanted for a long time.

As she stood at the exchange
counter she got the feeling the man there was not having one of his
good days. And when he asked, "May I have your plate, please?" she had
an impulse. As she fished in her purse for her charge plate she asked,
"Upper or lower?"

Broke the ice.

EASTER MOURNING

— CLIFF MACKAY

AS SHE awakened her second-grader at 6:30 a.m. for school, Mrs. Charles Perrill of Whittier announced "Time to get up! All the birds are up already!"

Little
girl blue wondered why they got up so early. Her mother said, "Well you
know, the early bird gets the worm!" Came the query, "What time do the
worms get up?"

Which should make non-parents understand why parents sometimes wear a defeated look.

ST. PATRICK'S DAY is long gone but a gal named Helen still cherishes it. She drove her old black Chevrolet into a place advertising a free carwash for green cars that day. Noticing the new cars all around as she waited, she remarked, "My car is green with envy."

The attendant looked at it and said, "It sure is. One free carwash!"

QUOTE & UNQUOTE — John
J. Anthony, the TV problem solver, heard a woman waiting to be
interviewed remark to her companion, "You don't have to have a brain to
be stupid!" He's still reeling … Sudden realization: Some of the new
cars recall the classic line in the old song "Mr. Five By Five" that
goes, "There's no way of knowin' if it's comin' or goin.' "

LITERARY NOTES — Just finished reading Tennessee Williams' new play, "Sweet Bird of Youth." Again, for assorted deep South viciousness, ol'
Tenn leaves nothing to the imagination … The Saturday Evening Post's
circulation is now more than 6,000,000, up from 4,702,000 in 1955. Its
editorial comment: "More and more thoughtful people are turning to
reading for the answers they want" … Press release from Mad magazine
states it is "from the padded cells of."

AT RANDOM — So you think some people go overboard naming dogs? Steve Bilheimer
of the Glendale Kennel Club, which will hold its spring all-breed show
Sunday, recalls that when Charles Dickens, on a tour of the United
States, was presented with a white terrier named Timber Doodle he
changed it to Snittle Timbery
… Figuring the average motorist drives 12,000 miles a year and gets
15 miles to the gallon, the Auto Club estimates the amount of fuel it
takes to fill a DC-8 jet would last a car owner 29.1 years. Fifteen
miles to the gallon? What dreamers! … On the freeways 5 p.m. is the
rush hour. Stan Wood suggests bars which lower the price of drinks at
that time should call it the lush hour.