Panes in Stomach

First let it be stated that G.K. Williams, editor of the Coronado
Journal, and Jane Reed, his assistant, are known by me to be utterly
reliable. Now go on.

They depose, on a stack of pancakes, that one day recently a red
convertible parked in front of their office. In the front seat of this
convertible was an Irish setter. While they watched, aghast, the Irish
setter began munching on the partially lowered glass of the right front
window.

While it was chawing away a lady in scarlet capris who, they
further depose, was not the type to be wearing them, appeared and
exclaimed, "You naughty dog! This is the fourth window you’ve eaten
this week!"

SPEAKING OF windows, this scrawled message was posted in
the Burbank courthouse: "I do odd jobs like cutting yards, washing
windows. I charge $1 an hour" — with name and phone number.

SHORTLY after the polar satellite Discoverer I was sent aloft at Vandenberg Air Force Base Saturday Grant Holcomb of KNXT interviewed a high officer at the base about it.

The officer was explaining the missile’s intricate mechanism when George Hause,
sound man, broke in with, "Say, do you mind not using all that
technical jazz? Only the kids understand it, and this is a news program
for adults."

BEFORE taking off for Seattle on the 6 a.m. plane at International Airport the other day, Mark A. Kunkel of North Hollywood signed up for the maximum casualty flight insurance.

The girl at the desk looked at the form and said, "You haven’t filled in the name — who would you like as beneficiary?"

Still a little sleepy, Mark gave his own name.

"But that’s you, isn’t it?" she said.

Coming fully awake, he replied, "I guess when I made it out I believed in the hereafter."

ONLY IN L.A. — Two untidy gentlemen brought a jug of muscatel in a W 7th
Street liquor store and as one of them crumpled the paper bag and threw
it into the street a police car with siren screaming and red light
flashing bore down on them. "Man, they sure enforce that litterbug
law!" he exclaimed, retrieving it. But when the police car went past,
en route to a bank robbery at 7th and Hoover, he threw it away again.

ABOUT A week ago some pinups, mostly art studies from
Playboy, which circulates through the mails, appeared on the hitherto
pure walls of the new police buildingpressroom . A day or two later the
chief strolled in and frowned at them. Yesterday the reporters were
handed this ultimatum: "The ‘art’ work on display on this wall will be
removed forthwith, immediately and without delay. By order of Arthur H.
Hohmann, deputy chief of police."

My, my, such redundancy.

IDES OF MAY
"Crewshoff" again sounds off.
His talk, with threats, just bristles:
Perhaps we shouldn’t scoff
As he flexes his muscled missiles.
— G. L. ERTZ

AT RANDOM — A jagged hunk of iron fell off a truck on
Harbor Boulevard near Francisco Street and after about 40 cars swerved
around it, a woman stopped her Cadillac and, though wearing white
gloves and a stole, picked it up and tossed it into theiceplant . . . First message to go out on Transmit, the new teletype service, was inadvertently a letter Glen Eaken
, sales manager, wrote to his wife in Seattle. He wrote it so he could
send her the transmission tape to show how the service worked. He
didn’t know the line was open . . . Western Costume, which rents many
of the outfits for TV westerns, calls outlaws’ clothes "varmint’s
garments" . . . A patient inSawtelle Veterans Hospital puts it this way: "They gave up on me but I won’t give up."