Buddy Buddy Stuff

Recently I blurted out that I could talk squirrel language. Actually I
don’t know whether I can or not. All I know is that a beautiful wild
squirrel in the back yard came over to my outstretched hand and let me
feed it.

Since, things have been very squirrelly indeed.

First, I received a nice note from a lady across the street informing me that I had met Buddy Buddy, who brightens everyone’s day over there when he shows up for a handout. Nuts. He even gets along with the dogs.

THEN REVELL, the Venice firm which makes unassembled
ships, planes and whatnot, sent along a do-it-yourself squirrel, a
potential buddy for Buddy Buddy. Next time the live one shows I plan to
confront him with the facsimile and see what happens. I’ll be able to
tell if he smells a rodent. Science, I am confident, is waiting for
stuff like this.

Then there was the communique from Bill Gooch, who works in a
Wilmington reduction plant known as the Copra Cabana. The boys were so
impressed with my linguistic talent they’re trying to communicate with
the seagulls which abound there. So far no luck, just the usual near
misses.

A VISITOR from New York was moaning low about Los Angeles
— the impossible traffic, the disgraceful parking, the unbearable
public transportation. Furthermore, he was terribly disturbed by the
narcotics menace.

Finally Tom Cameron said, "If you feel that way about it why don’t you go back east?"

"I can’t," was the reply, "I’m hooked on smog."

SIDELIGHT
Washington made history
By chopping down a cherry tree.
Oh yes and incidentally,
He also set our country free.
— GUY MULLEN

WITH MINGLED feelings, Ruth Greensfield, science teacher
at John Adams Junior High, received this note from a boy of 13, "Dear
Mrs. Greenfield: The following pages are in my opinion the complete
answers to your questions and phrases. I feel I have answered the
questions etc. to the best of my ability and will except your grades on
these three lessons without question. I am sure you will take into
consideration how late they are and also my own capability. Thank you."

There’s a boy most likely to succeed.

A WIFE testifying before Judge Burnett Wolfson in a separation action complained that her husband was always gambling.

When
the husband took the stand the judge asked if this were true. "Judge,"
he replied, "I can’t afford not to gamble. I got a house, a car, a
washing machine, a refrigerator, a TV set all paid for by my gambling."

"Don’t you ever lose?" the judge asked.

"No."

"Is that because you’re a good player or a good dealer?"

"Well, judge, you got me under oath so I guess I better say it’s a combination of the two."

NOW IT CAN be
told in a whisper, that two L.A. officers who went to a distant state
recently to return a murder suspect captured there couldn’t get the
recording machine to work so they could take his statement. So the
accommodating suspect spent half an hour setting it up so he could tell
how he committed the crime . . . Troy Orr claims he found this ditty
titled "Gas Who?" scrawled on an oldtokay label on E 5th Street: "Seems to me there’s certainly a desire to be smog free. Don’t Detroit noit?"