Feb. 11, 1958

The owner of a tavern in San Fernando Valley
advertised last week for a cocktail waitress. He is still staggered by
the results. And not precisely the way you might think. The pretty
girls came flocking–as many as 40 one day–and while waiting to be
interviewed, each had a drink or two.

Somehow the word went out
that they were there and soon businessmen in the neighborhood came in
to see the pretty girls who were waiting to be interviewed. Here and
there, according to usually reliable sources, a businessman bought a
girl a drink.

One lucky girl got the job and all is quiet now,
but the owner, reporting back to Lucy Logan, this paper’s classified ad
lady, remarked, "Migosh, what a way to get business!" It was up 300% for the week.

YOU KNOW THAT one about the old woman who lived in a shoe? Well–

A
woman, not so very old, came into the attendance office at Palms Junior
High and said she wanted to take her little boy out of school for the
rest of the day.

Marilyn Spievak, 14, a student who was minding
the store for this particular hour, asked the boy’s name and grade,
then looked it up on the school roster. She looked again, still didn’t
find it, and said so to the mother.

"Oh, dear me, I guess he’s still in grammar school," she said. "I have 10 children and I get them mixed up."

ONLY IN Beverly
Hills–As Sparks Stringer entered a stationery store on Beverly Drive,
the clerk said brightly, "Good morning, how may I confuse you?"

Sparks replied, "I’m already confused but working together maybe we can find what I want."

ON A RECENT Saturday,
radio station KDAY conducted a Platter Pulse program featuring mostly
rock ‘n’ roll. Listeners were urged to phone the station and vote for
their favorite tunes.

The switchboard was jammed all day
long–3,280 calls were received–and there were complaints, not only
from the phone company, but from Hollywood Memorial Park, whose phone
number is similar but in a different sequence.

The cemetery got
120 calls from exuberant but carelessly dialing youngsters shouting,
"Witchcraft!" or "April Love!" or "All the Way!" and promptly hanging
up.

The station didn’t have the heart to continue Platter Pulse.

IF ANYONE thinks this corner has been neglecting western movie cliches, perish forbid.

Recent
samplings turned up the trite bit in which the beleaguered sheriff
remarks, as a lynch mob marches on the jail, "I knew what I was getting
into when I took the job."

Then there’s the undaunted hero, facing death or a fate worse than, saying equally grimly, "That’s a chance I’ll have to take."

To
say nothing of the crooked owner of a big spread who tells the
unemployed cowboy who beats up the tough guy, "I can always use a good
hand."

AS THE Norwalk
air crash dims in memory, sheriff’s deputies are recalling the
inadvertent remark of a lieutenant who was interviewed on TV at the
time.

Asked what happened when the plane smashed into the
adjacent lot, he replied, "It was awful. We thought the atom bomb had
gone off. It was so loud it knocked all the deputies to their feet."

LOOSE ENDS —A Canoga
Park paper had this typo: "WANTED to rent, 3 bedroom souse with option
to buy." There’s a boy who needs elbow room … Press agents are eager
to get aboard the rockets, whispers Barney H., think of the space they
can get … February selection of the Let’s Have Better Mottoes Assn.
is: "Please –Let’s Keep This Confusion Orderly."